


Project S.P.L.I.T. (Geah split!au)

by PippsyTart



Category: Green Eggs and Ham (Cartoon), Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Help, M/M, No Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22511908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PippsyTart/pseuds/PippsyTart
Summary: What happens when your project fails and you get more than what you asked for? What do you do when things turn hectic??Guy isn't sure himself but he'll push through for better or for worse.
Relationships: Guy Am I & Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham), Guy Am I/Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

“Test 553125, project S.P.L.I.T., subject in place, all systems are a go.. Are you sure about this, Sam?” Guy said with a bit of a nervous tone, his fingers twitching over the button. He had performed this test multiple times on different animals and objects.. But never on another person.   
“As ready as I'll ever be! Just start 'er up!” the smaller male yelled- due to him being stuck in the container his voice didn't travel far. “Don't be so nervous.. I'm so ready for this! You just have to trust yourself Guy..” he set his hands on the glass and smiled widely at the other, his gaze shifting to the last button that was needed for activation.   
“Alright..” 

Project S.P.L.I.T., it was a simple project that the sadistic scientist has been trying to perfect for years. The whole point of it was to simply take someone and clone them- nothing ever done before! Guy was aiming high to become the best scientist ever- his last projects.. Failed. But after years of hard work he was sure that this would launch him high and send him straight to meep city!

“Here we go.” Guy added, pressing the blue button. Everything seemed to be running smoothly, all the scensors were on green. This was it! He was doing it!!!   
Until  
A few lights began to flash red.


	2. Part 2

Guy coughed harshly as he tried to wave away the smoke from the broken test tube in front of him.   
Yip. He fucked up, he knew it wouldn't work! So why did he go through with it anyway?? This was dumb and now Sam could possibly be hurt!!   
“Sam! Sam!!” he called, coughing even more as more smoke moved into his lungs. “Sam!! Are you okay!?” he yelled one last time before opening the test tube which released even more smoke into the lab. 

“Finnallllyy! Someone let us out! I'm tired of being in here!” a voice sounded from the tube, Guy just froze and listened.   
“Ohh!! Yay!!!!!” another said- or was it the same person? Guy squinted.   
“Sam?”   
“Yes?” six voices called back in unison which caused the stressed scientist to panic even more than he already was. As the smoke cleared up he could see.. Green? Did he turn Sam Green? Then red- and purple- oh no.. 

The first one to leave was the green Sam. He wiped himself off and fluffed his hair back up “I hate being cramped.” he spoke with a ting of disgust, Guy then noticed the red Sam with spikeyer hair that was clinging to the green one.   
“I HATE IT TOO! I HATE ALL OF YOU!” He yelled, causing the purple one that just walked over to flinch.   
“I-I don't think you should h-hate anyone.. Because.. That's mean..?” the red one just growled.   
Soon enough, the others followed suit, leaving the test tube and chattering amongst themselves.   
Guy counted the Sams, five. There were now five different Sams.. Why?

“Uh?” Guy finally spoke up and the rainbow colored Sams all looked at him and smiled. 

“Guy! Hi!” the yellow one chirped.   
“What are you guys?”  
“Sad..”  
“Uh?” 

A chuckle sounded from behind Guy- he turned around and his eyes widened.   
There was an orange Sam with his legs crossed sitting in Guys chair. 

“Silly! We are Sams emotions, obviously!! Allow us to introduce ourselves...”

Six.  
There were six Sams.


	3. Part 2 and a half

Guy was standing in the middle of a circle of Sam's, after being introduced to them he finally understood what went wrong.   
“Get back on the tube.” Guy said quickly pushing them as he said it.   
“Wait wait wait! We just met! Why can't we stay a little longer..” the joyful Sam whined, the others nodding in agreement.   
Guy sighed heavily and shook his head.   
“Fine.. But only a bit longer..” he ran a hand through his fluff. “But stay down here! And don't touch anything!” he demanded before heading out the lab and into his apartment, he pulled his lab coat off and set it on the ground and went to go sit in his loveseat.   
Today was stressful.. What was he supposed to do with all those Sams if they kept refusing to get back in so Guy could reverse the effects?   
The stressed scientist pinched his nose and closed his eyes.. Soon drifting asleep.


	4. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He frickin dies

[Uhhh warnings: Detailed(?) Gore, Cannibalism, vomit]

Once Guy left the Orange Sam of the group looked over the others who were carelessly chatting away quietly, careful not to disturb the grumpy scientist.   
“Hey!” Greed called, waving his arms- catching the other Sams attention. 

“Don't y'all think its way too crowded in here?”   
“What do you mean?” Disgust raised an eyebrow.   
“You heard me!! Its way too crowded!! Too many Sams!”  
“WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO ABOUT IT, HOT SHOT?” Anger boomed, crossing his arms. 

Greed smirked and chuckled. “Well.. I do have an idea..” he mumbled before grabbing a pair of scissors out a drawer.  
“And I think we're going to start with...” he played with the sharp object carefully before pointing at the Sam that could hardly sit still-  
Joy smiled and tilted his head. “oh! Yay!! I was chosen for something!!” he chirped as he got up and walked over. “What did I win??” he purred softly. 

"Oh I'll show you! Its right.. HERE!” Greed thrusted his hand/arm forward and plunged the scissors into the stupid brightly colored Sams' throat- celebration time was cut off short and it left the other 4 to stare in absolute horror.

“Aw.. What a shame.. He was so.. So cute.” Greed laughed a little and moved the scissors and watched as the blood sprayed and the yellow sam fell to the ground as he choked on his own blood. 

“HOLY SHIT!" Disgust gagged.   
Anger just stood there along with sadness and fear. 

“What!! I said there were too many!” Greed chuckled once again. “Well.. Anyways.. We wouldn't want guy to see this.. Hmm..?”   
“W-Well.. No..”  
Greed set his hands together and nodded slowly. “So.. We'll have to clean the mess.. Right..” Greed kept his eyes on the depressed Sam.   
The others nodded and looked at the sad one also. “HOLD HIM DOWN!!” Greed screamed and the others- not wanting to be next did as the Orange Sam said. 

Sadness writhed and screamed bloody murder as he watched the largest Sam tear the once joyful emotion into pieces then one by one shove them into the depressed bugs mouth. 

Blue puked at the taste of raw flesh in his mouth and kept doing so even as he was fed.   
“STOPTHROWING IT BACK UP AND EAT!!” Greed yelled into the blue Sams ear- causing him to break out into broken sobs and hiccups.

Five.   
There were five sams.


	5. PT. 4

Guy woke up from the loud screaming and other commotion- though he didn't bother checking until later. He grumbled and pushed himself off the couch then headed over to the lab door before opening it and heading down the stairs slowly. 

“Sam?-” he coughed. “Sams.” he corrected himself then peeked over at the bugs that were now sitting in a circle, just watching as the blue ball of sadness curled up and cried. 

“What happened?” Guy said louder as he began to walk over, they all looked over at the tall man and stayed silent.   
“God, I leave for how long? Why is he crying?! Did you guys hurt him?” Guy lectured the group, though, the room still felt dealthy silent other then the small sobs coming from the sad emotion.  
“Here-” he picked up the small blue boy and cradled him, but winced in disgust when he noticed the gross yellowish substance coating his fur around the mouth area. “Oh gross.. What's this??” 

“I-I-” Sadness hiccuped then sobbed harder.  
“Yip, nevermind.. You guys” Guy glared at Greed. “Stay out of trouble, I'm going to go get Sadness cleaned up.” he held the emotion over his shoulder and gently patted his back. “Now- where's Joy?”

“Whos joy.” the orange boy shot back.   
“I could've sworn-”  
“Nope.”  
Guy squinted and shrugged, he was too tired to care. So he went upstairs with the small emotion. Leaving the other Sam's to glance amongst each other when they heard the door shut.  
“I think Sadness is going to tell on you.” digust pipped up, setting his hands on his knees. “If he doesn't then I will.”  
Fear gasped then covered his mouth. “No! No, you won't! You can't tell.. Or.. What if.. We get in trouble too?"  
“Unlikely, this is serious!! What are we going to do? Keep letting HIM” Disgust gestured to the grinning emotion. “Tell us what to do? Keep being scared?? I can't do it!!” Fear nodded quickly which caused Digust to get up suddenly and headed for the stairs quickly. “Guy!! G-”   
Greed was suddenly behind the green sam, his hand over the emotions mouth. “-reed! Oh Greed, why won't you teach me how to play that game you know so well-” he said quickly. “Listen, you're not telling him anything.. You already know that! Go sit down, won't you?” he purred.   
“I-”  
“Now!” Greed barked which made Disgust uneasy.  
“Anyways.. We've had fun! Didn't we?? Let's find something else to do now that the sad-sack isn't here! Like.. Oh.. Let's play my actual favorite game.. Its called.. Mmm..” He thought about it and Disgust rolled his eyes.   
“Lets play.. Sit down and be quiet..” fear mumbled.   
“NO! let's playyyy .. Truth or dare.. How about that? But.. With an extra step!”  
“AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE?”   
“If you don't do what's told of you then you have to face a punishment!”  
“IM OUT.” Anger crossed his arms.  
“Me too.” Digust sat down next to Anger.  
Greed turned to Fear who was shaking his head no. “Okay.. Okay I guess I'll play.. But.. But not for long.. Okay..” crawled over to Greed and the orange Sam sat down in front of him. “Great! Let's start!”  
Greed and Fear began to play the game- the first few dares were normal like.. Do this.. Bother them.. Eat this. Until it was Greeds turn again-  
“Truth or dare?”   
“Hnnggh.. Oh .. This parts always so hard.. Uhm.. Uh.. I... Dare..?”  
“Eat this.”  
\------ (yikes area)

Greed held out five small razors.  
Fear shook a bit and shook his head again. “Whered you get those- uhm.. I can't.”   
Greed set his hands in his lap and laughed a bit. “Well.. You know that that means.. Right?” he leaned over then pushed Fear onto the ground, he was quick to straddle the smaller boys lap. “Here we are! Punishment time!” Greed picked up one of the razors and quickly pushed it into the socket of Fears eye- which caused him to panic and scream bloody murder.   
“Shhh!!! Shhhhhh! You know what I said about being loud!!” he pushed his palm against the others vocal cords. The other two emotions looked over but said nothing, they just watched in horror.   
Greed pushed it deeper and then pulled back- the razor ripped into the jelly organ with ease. “Shhh.. Almost done.. Okay?” he whispered to the emotion that was struggling under him. He loved watching the purple emotion cry like he was.   
Greed moved the razor back then shoved it- along with his arm into the others mouth, he pushed back the farthest he could.   
“Mmm. Yummy” he chirped.   
“Thats it!!! That's it!!! GUY!!! GUY??” Disgust ran upstairs as fast as his feet could take him.

Four.   
Four Sam's.


	6. Pt. 5

Guy was sitting in his bathroom waiting for the tub to fill up with warm water, his legs were crossed and he stared at the water longingly.   
Sadness was sitting next to him, still crying but Guy took no mind to it, he was worried though.   
Once the tub was full enough he turned off the water and set the blue Sam into the water, he watched as the liquid quickly dirtied with yellows and Greens and Blues.   
“What is this crap..?” Guy grumbled and grabbed some soap and began to wash the sad emotions fur carefully, he was quick to take note that the fur on him was sensitive since the blue boy was whimpering if he tried to untangle the matted fur too hardly. “Sorry..” he sighed and looked back at the water.   
“Seriously.. What is this??” he furrowed his eyebrows and frowned at Sadness.   
“I.. I uhm..”   
“GUYYYYYYYYY, GUY!!!!!!!” Disgust yelled from the hallway.   
“-Didn't I tell you guys to stay in the lab.” Guy got up and headed to the hallway. “Hey! Shut the hell up!!” he shut the bathroom door behind him. “What? I'm busy! Go back to the lab! Whatever you have to say isn't important!”   
“But!! I-”   
Guy huffed and shook his head, going back into the bathroom and closing the door behind him again. “Yip.. You guys don't listen.”   
“O-Oh.. Mmgh..”   
Disgust started to bang on the door. “GUY PLEASE I NEED TO-”  
“Later!!!”   
Sadness flinched.   
“Sorry..”  
After a while Digust stopped trying, he decided he was just going to do everything himself. He searched the house and looked for something- anything. A phone, maybe? He panicked a bit and looked over and under everything. He stopped at Guys room and tried the door- it was locked. He huffed and headed into the living room, scanning everything again. Maybe the front door? He wouldn't keep that open.. Would he? He walked over and grabbed the doorknob to the front door and twisted it slowly.   
Unlocked  
The door was unlocked!  
Disgust stared out into the world, surprised at how easy it was to get out there.   
“Ohhh.. Disgust.. I told you, you werent going to tell anyone about this!!!”   
Disgust glanced around himself quickly. “What- WHAT- where-.. Where are you!! You monster!” disgust ran out the house and looked around again. “HELP!! HEELLPPP!” he cupped his hands around his mouth and screamed for help.   
“Tsh.” Greed rolled his eyes then walked over calmly.   
“Go away!!”  
“Why? Why would I!!! You simply have no idea what you're doing!”   
“I- maybe you're right but! I won't give up just because you want me too! HE-”   
Greed grabbed onto Disgusts arm and dragged him back inside. Yes, Disgust put up a big fight but Greed was stronger. And that was fact. “Oh, Disgust.. Do you like makeup?”  
“No!!!” he lied.   
“Oh come on.. You cant lie to me.. I know where to get some! C'mon!” the orange boy chuckled and glanced out the door one last time before slamming it shut.

\--small skip, also yikes area

Not even a bit later the orange emotion had Digust tied up back in the lab with Anger watching in the corner.  
Greed took out a small bag and took out some lipstick. “I think this color would look gorgeous on you! Red.. How about that..” he laughed a little and began putting the lipstick on disgusts face. He looked defeated.   
“Oh sweetheart.. You're a mess..” he slowly took out his comb and fixed the green Sams hair almost lovingly. “Don't you wanna look pretty..?”   
“No.”  
“Don't lie to me!! You know how much I HATE liers..” he caressed the green Sams cheek carefully before booping him the nose with the comb.   
“How about we add a little more pazzaz!” Greed purred again, smiling widely. “Like! Oh!! This!” he reached around Disgusts head. “You like magic, right?” he chuckled and did a small hand gesture before a sound rang in the lab.   
Disgusts eyes went wide.  
“Anger I—” was all he said before so-   
Greed pulled his hand away and stared at the Green on his hands along with the gun he'd found upstairs.   
Greed turned to Anger, he was curled up like a baby- sobbing. “You killed him.. You killed my best friend..” the red fur turned purple-ish in a few spots along with a few patches of blue. “Why..” The emotions voice cracked.

Three.  
Three Sams.


	7. Pt. 6

“Why would you kill him!! You know!! You know- this.. This.. This isn't write.. You know that!” Anger stood up and walked up to the taller emotion, looking up at him with fear and tears in his eyes. “SO WHY DO YOU DO THIS? YOU'RE SICK!! DO YOU DO THIS FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL PLEASURE?? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY!!!! IT ISNT! I DONT WANNA PLAY WHATEVER SICK.. TWISTED GAME THIS IS YOU HAVE GOING ON ANYMORE!! IM OUT! IM TAKING SADNESS AND WE ARE LEAVING!! IM TAKING GUY WITH US! I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE! I CANT!” Anger flipped him off and stormed off- though he didn't make it far. He just stopped and fell onto his knees, he was too weak. His emotion was practically dying as his fur continued to patch up with purple and blue- he covered his eyes and tried to make himseld angry- more angry! But he couldn't.. Everything hurt too much for him to be angry, he just lost his best friend- his everything. The emotion he looked up to the most.. “AGHH! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, GREED! PLEASE!! Kill me... Murder me! I'm next, aren't I? So why cant you kill me now..? I can't stand being alive without him..” Greed laughed and walked over, crouchign down to set his hand on Angers shoulder. “Whatever you please, my love.”   
Greed had set Anger in the middle of the lab with the corpses of Fear and Disgust.   
“What.. What's the plan exactly.?”  
“Well I gotta get rid of the evidence somehow! Even if its not fully.” he grabbed a small spray can for hair and looked over at the warning.  
Flammable under high heat.   
He smiled and nodded sprayed the three boys with it then grabbed another can- one much bigger. He poured the substance on the three once again then grabbed a small lighter.   
“What a way to go!!”   
Anger frowned and hugged digust gently. Greed leaned down and a fire started to blaze up, it spread quickly.   
You'd think that Anger would scream- but he didn't. He just let it happen. He was too in shock.   
Greed was careful to keep the fire under control.   
“How anticlimactic.. God.. Now.. Wheres Sadness again..” he mumbled. “Oh! Might as well have a snack before I go-”

Two.


	8. Ending 1 pt. 1: the Final Blow

Greed headed upstairs and to the small hallway then pressed his ear against the door, he listened to the last two talk and laugh a little.   
Well, Guy laughed.   
Greed slowly opened the door and stared at them.   
Sadness looked over at the door immediately and teared up from the bath. “N-No! Go away..! I don't wanna see you..” he began to sob and Guy looked over.   
“How many yipping times are you guys gonna bother me? You know what.. What?” he got up.   
Greed frowned at him then started to walk away. “Follow me! I have to show you something!” he looked too worried for it to be true.  
Greed led Guy to the coat closet and pointed inside. “Disgust is in there and he won't get out!” he lied.  
Guy looked at him weirdly then the closet. He opened it then walked in, glancing around. “What-” he looked back at Greed then everything went black. 

Greed stood there with a metal pipe in his hands, he looked down at the passed out Guy then pushed him in fully, locking the closet with a lock he'd found in the lab. 

“That was too easy.. Ugh..” he headed back to the bathroom. “Ohhh, baby bluuuee!~”

Greed slid the bathroom door shut and stared at the scared and upset emotion that was sitting in the dirty water. “Hiii! What are you doing?”  
“U-Uhm I-”   
“I don't care, listen. We're going to make this nice and easy for the both of us.” Greed walked over and pushed the blue boy down into the dirty water.   
The blue emotion immediately began to try and fight back- he screamed but it went unheard. Bubbles were rising from the bottom of the tub. Greed just held the blue boy under until he stopped moving. Sadness twitched one last time before Greed called it good.   
Greed looked around then walked out the bathroom. 

\--

Greed headed back to the closet and began to tie up his lover. “Oh Guy.. Just wait until you find out... You won't be too happy..” he chuckled softly. “Theres one more Sam.. And that Sam is me”


	9. Ending 1 Pt. 2: The Final Blow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The most anti-climatic ending ever

Guy woke up a bit later, his vision slowly coming in and out as he did. He grumbled and tried to look around- but he seemed stuck. Where was he..? He glanced up and looked at the closet light. Oh. Right.   
So how'd he get stuck..?  
“Finally up, are we? You're quite a sleeper!” Greed came out the shadows and smiled hungrily at Guy, Guy was gonna yell at him but there was something in his mouth. 

Greed chuckled and slowly pulled the cloth out. “What is it?”  
“What are you doing?”  
“Oh you know why. I KNOW you know why, Guy. I know you've been ignoring all the noises and smells you've encountered because I know you didn't want to admit it! I know you knew.. That your chances of bringing back who you loved.. Were gone..” Greed laughed like a mad man and wiped his eyes. “Ohhh.. Are you upset about it? Are you angry I knew? Or maybe.. You're.. happy that I'm the only one left!”   
“No! No!! Shut up! You know nothing!” Guy barked, trying to free himself but the rope just rubbed against him- which made him uncomfortable. “I- what are you even going to do now? Kill me too..?”   
“Kill you.. Oh Guy..why would I ever want to do that? I love you!”   
Guy spat at him and that made Greed frown. “Thats gross! You're disgusting!! But it won't stop me.. You know.. If you're into it.. So am I.”   
\----  
Guy was bored sitting in that closet for hours- he was waiting for Greed to come back from whatever he was doing.   
“Whats taking so yipping long..” he grumbled.  
Greed showed.   
“Sorry.. My bad. Are you hungry?”  
“No.”   
“Your lost then.” he sat down infront of guy and began to eat whatever was on his plate. “You sure?”  
“What is it?”  
“Green Eggs and Ham!”  
Guy was taken a-back by that, his eyes widened and he teared up.   
“Oh.. Sorry. I know that was your husbands personal favorite. Coming back after long days after flying just to get some! My favorite!”  
“You're sick.”  
“Oh I know.”  
“I hate you.”  
“Who doesn't!” Greed laughed and set the plate down. “Hmm.. Wanna play a game? How about uhmmm..” he took out a pocket knife and held it to Guys throat. “If we play.. You get a prize.” in that moment, Guy started to panic talk.   
“Whoa- wait! No! Why would you- I mean- hah! This is a joke! You're a joke! That's why no one likes you! You think you're all big a bad but- but you're not! You're terrible!!”   
Greed paused and took a moment, he frowned and his fur patched with small tints of red and blue.   
“Now, that isn't true!”  
“Oh.. But it is! And I'll tell you how!”  
“You killed everyone! Just to prove exactly what? That I wanted you? But I obviously don't! That makes you crazy! I hate crazy people!! You make me sick, you know that? You make everyone sick. You remind me of selfish- selfish loser!”   
Greed stepped back a little as his fur continued to patch with the colors of his rainbow pals- “Hey now you wait a minute!!”   
“You know what? I think I get it now? Is this what you wanted?? Me to say I forgave you? For you to keep trying?? Did you want me to tell you that.. That I loved you? That I loved you with all my heart and that you're all mine and only mine, Sam? Is that why you tied me up here and threatened me?”   
Greed grabbed his heart and sat back down, his eyes darted around.   
“Wait- Guy— I.. You love me?” he took the speech a weird way, but it seemed to be working.   
“Sure, Sam. I love you so much. I wish you'd understand that.”   
Greed stared at the ground for a while. He didnt have to kill the others.. Did he? Guy already loved him how it was.. Greed smiled, out of joy. Then frowned- he was grossed out- and then he was angry at himself. Tears formed in his eyes and he held his head and the emotions overwhelmed him.   
Guy smirked as he watched Greed break.   
Greed screamed and curled up into a ball, the crown over his head formed cracks as the colors kept coming and going and so on- soon- the crown poofed and his fur grew a greyish-yellow. “I.. Im..” he looked at his hands then up to Guy, a huge smile spread across his face. “You did it, didn't you?”


End file.
